argoflower

A Confession

"Phew! Look at this, Yuki-nii! Isn't this gyoza wrapped up pretty nicely?"

My cousin Kaede, who came to stay at my house for the first time in a while, puffed out his chest in pride as he spoke.

Today the two of us were left at home alone.

His family went overseas and both of my parents went out of the house. Before we knew it, it became a tradition for us to make gyoza and shumai together on days like this.

"It's true, you've gotten better at it."

I was impressed by how neatly the gyoza were wrapped.

"Ehehe...I'm a high school student now after all. The first time we made them together, I made a mess and cried. But now I'm able to make pretty good gyoza, right?"

It was cute how my cousin always seemed to get excited over small things like this.

And in my heart, I secretly thanked God.

I thought my cousin would start traveling around the world with his parents once he got into high school, but Kaede decided to make Japan his base. One of the reasons he decided to stay was because he wanted to be close by for his sickly childhood friend. I thought that he really was a kind person.

Although I've been participating in more international competitions, I'm still based in Japan, so I was really happy that I was able to spend more time with my cousin like this.

Just then, I unintentionally let out a sigh.

"What's wrong, Yuki-nii? It's rare to hear you sigh like this."

"Oh, did I sigh? I didn't even realize it."

My cousin tilted his head and continued to speak. "Now that I think about it, you used to sigh a lot back then, even after you won silver in the Novice competition."

"...that was around the time I found [MotG]. Before that I was definitely struggling back then." After saying that, I realized something was wrong. "No, the worries I've had from before still haven't been resolved at all."

My body has grown, but I still see that dream. Even now, I still couldn't keep up with the skating I experienced within my dreams. The question of for what purpose do I skate and for who do I skate is still unanswered.

"...I guess you could say that I have an 'ideal' skating style I want to reach. There's something I'd like to express someday, but while I'm not good enough skill wise, I also feel like I don't have enough understanding of the right mentality for it either. It makes me feel a little inadequate."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

When I muttered this, my cousin looked surprised. He turned his body to face me directly, as if showing that he wanted to listen properly to what I had to say.

"Just now that was, um..."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that so suddenly."

My cousin's gaze was as straightforward and earnest as it was when I showed him my clumsy program on the outdoor skating rink years ago. His eyes were telling me that no matter what I said, he would accept it all. The look in his eyes made me blurt out the story about my dream that I never told anyone about before.

"...ever since I was little, I've always had the same dream."

Even though it was the truth, saying it outloud made me feel uneasy.

The fact that I found myself skating freely through a mysterious landscape and that the scenery itself was an illustration for a real card game...it was obviously going to sound like a silly fantasy.

But my cousin listened until the end without laughing at or doubting me.

"That really is a strange coincidence! But if that dream is your reason to improve, then it makes sense that you got so into that card game."

"...don't you think I'm just making this all up?"

"You wouldn't do something like that, Yuki-nii. Besides, I know it's strange but I believe that there are many coincidences like that in the world."

I wasn't sure why, but I felt relieved when my cousin affirmed my feelings.

I even felt like the dream that only existed in my head went from being an illusion to reality.

"...the ideal skating style...one of your goals is to skate just like in that dream, right?"

"That's right, but I don't know if it'll really happen."

"I think that's nice. Wanting to win a gold medal is a great goal to have, but if you're going to skating after you're done competing, I think it's good to have that kind of program that you'd want to dedicate the rest of your life to afterwards."

I was surprised to hear him say that so casually.

Dedicate my life to that program after getting the medal? I never thought about it like that.

Skate only to win the gold medal, and beyond that, skate only for myself.

Even though the ideals my father pushed onto me didn't feel right, I couldn't throw them away-- I continued to follow them because they made me who I am today. At the very least, it was a warning to myself that if I completely lost sight of winning a gold medal, I would never be able to get one.

Ever since I won silver at the Novice competition, I've been unsure of what my own goals should be, but I followed my father's advice up until now.

But in my heart, I felt like that wasn't the only right path to follow.

"...I see, I guess it's okay to have another goal."

For example, my goal of winning the gold medal can be for my father. But my goal of skating just like in my dreams should be dedicated to someone else.

"Now that I think about it, my dad told me that when a lake overseas froze over, there was an ice show that combined figure skating with video programs. They used holograms to project different kinds of landscapes into the night sky. The aurora came down at the same time, it was really pretty."

"Is doing something like that possible?"

"Yeah! Yuki-nii, the card name was [Icicle Palace], right? When you get that card, let's make it appear as a hologram on that frozen lake and put on an ice show! It'll definitely be amazing!"

My cousin's voice was filled with excitement, it seemed like he was happy just by thinking about it.

For a moment I thought that if what he said came true, then all the feelings in my heart that I held would finally be fulfilled. Maybe my wish to skate like in my dreams could come true.

"If you can get your hands on that card and make a program that you're satisfied with...then I'll take you to that frozen lake!"

My cousin puffed his chest out and placed a fist over his heart while giving me a wide smile.

"I'll take you to the place of your dreams, so make sure to show me!"

He held out his pinky finger to make a promise with me and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"...yeah, it's a promise."

I always thought of him as a cute little brother, but before I knew it, I found myself relying on him more. It felt like he could easily resolve all my problems.

Why do I skate and for whom do I skate?

I felt like my feelings on that matter had been settled.

Novel Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5