Icicle Palace - Chapter 3
Jun. 26th, 2024 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
argoflower The Ice Castle I Saw in My Dream
...I'm having that dream again.
Within that dream, I had a realization.
The frozen, icy lake water turned into a white blur beyond the horizon, stretching endlessly. That ice castle that was bathed in the aurora's glow. I danced gracefully and effortlessly across the ice underneath, as if skating was something I was naturally meant to do.
This version of me has longer limbs, and his body is bigger than the current me's.
This 'me' is able to do jumps that looked impossible to do, strong cutting edge steps, spins in intricate positions, and even hydroblading above the ice came to 'me' as easy as breathing.
The music playing in the background was still [Tatar's Dance]. It hasn't changed at all since I first had this dream a few years ago.
However, now I'm beginning to understand things I didn't when I was younger.
In my dream, I was skating as if I was praying to something, or as if I was dedicating my performance to someone. I was wholeheartedly trying to give my heart and body up for something- or for someone. Somehow, I just knew that it wasn't for the gold medal. It definitely wasn't for myself either.
So, what was I skating for?
And..who was I skating for?
If I knew the answer, would it bring me one step closer to becoming the person I dreamed of?
Those were my thoughts as I 'experienced' a skating style in my dream that was so beautiful that saying that it was an ideal didn't do it justice.
...JPN Flight 023 to Tokyo is currently delayed due to in-flight adjustments. Passengers who are traveling on this flight...
Around the time I entered fifth or sixth grade, I came to Hokkaido with my father to participate in the JPN Novice Tournament. The day after the tournament, the return flight was significantly delayed, leaving us with nothing to do at the airport.
In the novice competition, I placed second and won a silver medal. It was my first time ever standing on the podium, and my score was just a few points away from first placez
It wasn't a bad outcome by any means, and of course I was happy when I won the medal.
And yet...
"Haa..."
Before I realized it, I was already sighing.
...I wondered if I would've been happier if I had won gold instead of silver.
I had that feeling inside of me.
I did the best I could and made very few mistakes. I just messed up my axel. The center of the jump was good, but I almost fell on the landing. If I hadn't failed there, I think I would've been able to get gold.
...I thought I was finally stable in my axel jumps.
My dad was really happy when I was able to do the axel jump for the first time.
Even yesterday, he was happy that I was able to stand on the podium, but after we got back to the hotel he kept telling me, "You could've won gold."
In the end, it wouldn't have been perfect unless I won the gold medal...is probably what he wanted to say.
As that thought appeared in my head, I remembered the dream I had this morning. That dream I've been having ever since I was a child.
I saw myself as an adult, freely gliding across an icy lake.
If only I could skate like that... I've had that thought many times.
If I could skate like that, I'd definitely be able to win the gold medal.
But, there's something even more amazing about the skating in my dreams. Something that can't simply expressed with just a medal.
"Looks like our flight is going to be an hour late. Haa...what should we do until then?"
My father sighed as he looked at the information board inside the airport. He's usually very talkative when we're at the skating rink, but when we're back outside, he's mostly quiet. Even now, he's still quiet as he looks for something to do until our flight comes.
If my uncle were here, he would drag me along with him while saying "Let's go eat something delicious!", but my father is the type of person who can't bring himself to say something like that even though they're related.
...although even if I said that, I wasn't that good at speaking either.
"Dad."
For some reason, I just wanted to try asking him.
"...if you had an ideal you wanted to reach for skating, what should you skate for? And for whose sake should you skate for?"
In my dreams, I was an adult and my father was also an adult. That, combined with the fact that he used to be a skater, made me want to ask him. I thought that he might know the answer, or be closer to it than I was now.
But when I asked him, he just frowned and gave me a questioning look.
"For what...? Of course, it's to win a gold medal at the Olympics. As for who it's for, it's for yourself, isn't it?"
His answer was something I've been told a countless amount of times since I was little. Up until now, I was able to accept that this was just how it was, but for some reason, it didn't feel right to me.
"Is that it? I'm sure there are other reasons. After all, not everyone is only thinking about the gold medal and themselves, right?"
"If you keep thinking about other things, then you won't be able to win the gold medal so easily."
...I guess that's right.
I don't think I can put it into words but, is there really only one path that skaters must follow?
"Is that your excuse for getting silver at the Novice competition? You're more than good enough to get gold next time."
I wasn't trying to make excuses, I just asked him something at the beginning. I asked if there was an ideal he wanted for skating and then...
"Dad, don't you have your own ideal skating style?"
"A program that can win gold. That's all."
At that moment, I felt like my father suddenly shut me out. I suddenly realized that there was a huge difference between my father's life and mine. That was how it felt. It was the first time in my life that I ever had that thought.
To be honest, I was confused.
I thought that my father's wishes were my own, and that my wishes were his.
But maybe that wasn't the case.
...skating was just something I naturally had to do.
To hone my skills, aim for a gold medal, and stand on the Olympic podium- all of those were obvious goals to pursue to me and I never questioned any of it. But...in my dream, I wasn't skating for a medal or for myself. If that's the case, the type of skating I was aiming for wasn't the one my father wanted.
The person my father wanted me to be isn't the person I want to be.
It was the first time I'd ever thought about that. It came as a shock to me- it felt like I'd been hit hard on the back of my head. For just a moment, my father felt like a complete stranger to me.
"Well...you know, you still did good even if you only got silver. I'll buy you a book as a reward, so go ahead and pick out one you'd like."
My father cleared his throat as he spoke and took me to the bookstore inside the airport. I was still somewhat overwhelmed by the idea that my sad and I had different ideals for skating, but I still tried to find something as I walked around the bookstore.
I couldn't think of anything I wanted in particular, so I went to the photography book section. My uncle and aunt were landscape photographers who traveled all over the world, so I thought I might find some of their books.
But unfortunately, I couldn't find any.
As I walked around the corner to look for something else, I stopped to look at an artbook that caught my eye.
"Marisu...of...za...?"
The title was written in the English alphabet. Even though I'm currently taking English conversation classes to prepare for international competitions, I still can't read very well.
I was drawn to the pretty landscape paintings, so I opened the artbook. There were many pictures of dragons and knights, and then I realized it was an artbook for a card game while looking through it.
Ah, my classmates played this game at school. It was called [MotG]. I knew this card game because it was popular.
In this artbook, there were more pictures. Goblings attacking fiercely, eerie poisonous swamps, a mysterious elf's profile...every page was filled with impressive illustrations.
The moment I turned to the next page, I froze.
"...Ici...cle...pala...ce?"
I somehow managed to read the English letters written there.
The picture was of an endless frozen lake and an aurora colored ice castle floating above it. It matched perfectly with the scenery I saw in my dream that I had over and over again.
Why was the place in my dreams here?
I'd never told anyone about that place, not even my cutest, sweetest cousin in the world. I couldn't help but think that someone peeked into my dreams and drew this using it as a reference.
There was a sound that shook my soul. I felt helplessly drawn in by the landscape. My heart was beating quickly in excitement as if I were in love.
This landscape...it wasn't just an illusion I created on my own, right? Does this place really exist somewhere? Or maybe, someone else saw this place in their own head?
"What's wrong? Did you want that book?"
Before I knew it, my father was already standing next to me. Apparently I had been looking at this picture of [Icicle Palace] for a while already.
I closed the book and nodded at my father.
"I want to get this book, dad."
This was [Malice of the Guardians]--
My first encounter with the card game I would fall in love with for the rest of my life.
...I'm having that dream again.
Within that dream, I had a realization.
The frozen, icy lake water turned into a white blur beyond the horizon, stretching endlessly. That ice castle that was bathed in the aurora's glow. I danced gracefully and effortlessly across the ice underneath, as if skating was something I was naturally meant to do.
This version of me has longer limbs, and his body is bigger than the current me's.
This 'me' is able to do jumps that looked impossible to do, strong cutting edge steps, spins in intricate positions, and even hydroblading above the ice came to 'me' as easy as breathing.
The music playing in the background was still [Tatar's Dance]. It hasn't changed at all since I first had this dream a few years ago.
However, now I'm beginning to understand things I didn't when I was younger.
In my dream, I was skating as if I was praying to something, or as if I was dedicating my performance to someone. I was wholeheartedly trying to give my heart and body up for something- or for someone. Somehow, I just knew that it wasn't for the gold medal. It definitely wasn't for myself either.
So, what was I skating for?
And..who was I skating for?
If I knew the answer, would it bring me one step closer to becoming the person I dreamed of?
Those were my thoughts as I 'experienced' a skating style in my dream that was so beautiful that saying that it was an ideal didn't do it justice.
...JPN Flight 023 to Tokyo is currently delayed due to in-flight adjustments. Passengers who are traveling on this flight...
Around the time I entered fifth or sixth grade, I came to Hokkaido with my father to participate in the JPN Novice Tournament. The day after the tournament, the return flight was significantly delayed, leaving us with nothing to do at the airport.
In the novice competition, I placed second and won a silver medal. It was my first time ever standing on the podium, and my score was just a few points away from first placez
It wasn't a bad outcome by any means, and of course I was happy when I won the medal.
And yet...
"Haa..."
Before I realized it, I was already sighing.
...I wondered if I would've been happier if I had won gold instead of silver.
I had that feeling inside of me.
I did the best I could and made very few mistakes. I just messed up my axel. The center of the jump was good, but I almost fell on the landing. If I hadn't failed there, I think I would've been able to get gold.
...I thought I was finally stable in my axel jumps.
My dad was really happy when I was able to do the axel jump for the first time.
Even yesterday, he was happy that I was able to stand on the podium, but after we got back to the hotel he kept telling me, "You could've won gold."
In the end, it wouldn't have been perfect unless I won the gold medal...is probably what he wanted to say.
As that thought appeared in my head, I remembered the dream I had this morning. That dream I've been having ever since I was a child.
I saw myself as an adult, freely gliding across an icy lake.
If only I could skate like that... I've had that thought many times.
If I could skate like that, I'd definitely be able to win the gold medal.
But, there's something even more amazing about the skating in my dreams. Something that can't simply expressed with just a medal.
"Looks like our flight is going to be an hour late. Haa...what should we do until then?"
My father sighed as he looked at the information board inside the airport. He's usually very talkative when we're at the skating rink, but when we're back outside, he's mostly quiet. Even now, he's still quiet as he looks for something to do until our flight comes.
If my uncle were here, he would drag me along with him while saying "Let's go eat something delicious!", but my father is the type of person who can't bring himself to say something like that even though they're related.
...although even if I said that, I wasn't that good at speaking either.
"Dad."
For some reason, I just wanted to try asking him.
"...if you had an ideal you wanted to reach for skating, what should you skate for? And for whose sake should you skate for?"
In my dreams, I was an adult and my father was also an adult. That, combined with the fact that he used to be a skater, made me want to ask him. I thought that he might know the answer, or be closer to it than I was now.
But when I asked him, he just frowned and gave me a questioning look.
"For what...? Of course, it's to win a gold medal at the Olympics. As for who it's for, it's for yourself, isn't it?"
His answer was something I've been told a countless amount of times since I was little. Up until now, I was able to accept that this was just how it was, but for some reason, it didn't feel right to me.
"Is that it? I'm sure there are other reasons. After all, not everyone is only thinking about the gold medal and themselves, right?"
"If you keep thinking about other things, then you won't be able to win the gold medal so easily."
...I guess that's right.
I don't think I can put it into words but, is there really only one path that skaters must follow?
"Is that your excuse for getting silver at the Novice competition? You're more than good enough to get gold next time."
I wasn't trying to make excuses, I just asked him something at the beginning. I asked if there was an ideal he wanted for skating and then...
"Dad, don't you have your own ideal skating style?"
"A program that can win gold. That's all."
At that moment, I felt like my father suddenly shut me out. I suddenly realized that there was a huge difference between my father's life and mine. That was how it felt. It was the first time in my life that I ever had that thought.
To be honest, I was confused.
I thought that my father's wishes were my own, and that my wishes were his.
But maybe that wasn't the case.
...skating was just something I naturally had to do.
To hone my skills, aim for a gold medal, and stand on the Olympic podium- all of those were obvious goals to pursue to me and I never questioned any of it. But...in my dream, I wasn't skating for a medal or for myself. If that's the case, the type of skating I was aiming for wasn't the one my father wanted.
The person my father wanted me to be isn't the person I want to be.
It was the first time I'd ever thought about that. It came as a shock to me- it felt like I'd been hit hard on the back of my head. For just a moment, my father felt like a complete stranger to me.
"Well...you know, you still did good even if you only got silver. I'll buy you a book as a reward, so go ahead and pick out one you'd like."
My father cleared his throat as he spoke and took me to the bookstore inside the airport. I was still somewhat overwhelmed by the idea that my sad and I had different ideals for skating, but I still tried to find something as I walked around the bookstore.
I couldn't think of anything I wanted in particular, so I went to the photography book section. My uncle and aunt were landscape photographers who traveled all over the world, so I thought I might find some of their books.
But unfortunately, I couldn't find any.
As I walked around the corner to look for something else, I stopped to look at an artbook that caught my eye.
"Marisu...of...za...?"
The title was written in the English alphabet. Even though I'm currently taking English conversation classes to prepare for international competitions, I still can't read very well.
I was drawn to the pretty landscape paintings, so I opened the artbook. There were many pictures of dragons and knights, and then I realized it was an artbook for a card game while looking through it.
Ah, my classmates played this game at school. It was called [MotG]. I knew this card game because it was popular.
In this artbook, there were more pictures. Goblings attacking fiercely, eerie poisonous swamps, a mysterious elf's profile...every page was filled with impressive illustrations.
The moment I turned to the next page, I froze.
"...Ici...cle...pala...ce?"
I somehow managed to read the English letters written there.
The picture was of an endless frozen lake and an aurora colored ice castle floating above it. It matched perfectly with the scenery I saw in my dream that I had over and over again.
Why was the place in my dreams here?
I'd never told anyone about that place, not even my cutest, sweetest cousin in the world. I couldn't help but think that someone peeked into my dreams and drew this using it as a reference.
There was a sound that shook my soul. I felt helplessly drawn in by the landscape. My heart was beating quickly in excitement as if I were in love.
This landscape...it wasn't just an illusion I created on my own, right? Does this place really exist somewhere? Or maybe, someone else saw this place in their own head?
"What's wrong? Did you want that book?"
Before I knew it, my father was already standing next to me. Apparently I had been looking at this picture of [Icicle Palace] for a while already.
I closed the book and nodded at my father.
"I want to get this book, dad."
This was [Malice of the Guardians]--
My first encounter with the card game I would fall in love with for the rest of my life.
